Illusions Chestervelle
by divergenceintheimpala
Summary: Jo loved Dean. Dean loved Jo. But, when sent off to war, something clicks inside of him. Upon returning, he isn't the same man he once was. For Jo, this leads to desperate, drastic measures, in order to feel sane, to feel safe.
1. Prologue

Prologue.

It wasn't supposed to happen like this. He changed, once he came back. He wasn't the same man that once upon a time, Joanna Beth had fallen in love with.

When he was out there, he experienced something horrible; he was on the front line during the war. He went out there and tried his best to make a difference for his country. To protect them; the people of America needed to be protected. He was willing to fight for America; to kill for America. Unfortunately, he became attached to someone out there. He made a best friend on the battlefield. Some would call it a dangerous business, to make friends in a place like that.  
>They did everything together- they relied on each other to get through the tough times of the war. However, when it came to fighting on the front line, something unthinkable happened.<p>

Whilst off fighting the opposing enemies, his best friend got shot down. A singular bullet, plunged through his chest. Dean looked everywhere for him; desperate to find his friend. He could hear the sounds of his fellow fighters, calling out: _'Man down, man down!'_And he knew. He knew that it wasn't anyone else. That it was his friend. He became panicked; He had to find him.

Despite the numbness he felt in his legs, he had the determination to find Percy. His feet pounded against the dry dirt ground, weaving through the lines of fire, arms pumping, heart pounding. He ran and ran, until he found him.

When he found him, it wasn't a pleasant sight...  
>Crimson floods drenched his shirt, his vest, his jacket. Everything was soaked in his blood. Dean sobbed that day. Because it was right. Despite the sadness Dean felt, he didn't cry for long; he had to be strong for Percy. He prayed that he would make it out alive... But he didn't. Dean was restrained. Dragged away from Percy as they disposed of his body. He wished that he could see him once more- but he didn't ask, he didn't create a scene. He just watched them take the lifeless body away.<p>

And to this day on, he remained cold. Bitter. Frozen.

It scared Jo.

Jo didn't know how to handle him.

And so, she did something drastic.

Something that would change her life forever.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1;

Jo had met Dean in a bar. She swore on her life that she wouldn't fall in love, but she couldn't help it. She did it. She fell more and more in love with Dean Winchester each day she saw him. She couldn't help but wonder if he felt the same way about her the way she did for him.  
>The day they met in the bar, it was particularly empty. There were only three other people in there with them. They sat in the stools next to each at the bar. Instantly, the pick up lines were falling from his mouth and she fell for each one, adoring the way they hooked into her and pulled her closer to him, reeling her in like a fish on a hook.<p>

But she didn't care. She didn't care what he did because it seemed that she loved every thing he did. To her, every single thing about him was interesting, and they seemed to mesh together perfectly, the conversation never ceasing for a single second.

She leaned on the bar, listening to him intently as he spoke.  
>"Will I see you again?"<br>"I don't know. Do you want to?"  
>"Well, I wouldn't hate it."<br>"I'll see... Maybe I'll stop by and visit. In the mean time though, have my number." He looked at her with vibrant, hopeful eyes for a split second before taking a piece of a napkin and scrawling his number onto it, sliding it into her hand, whilst she gave him his.  
>"I look forward to your call. I guess you better head off- got better things to do other than sit here and talk with me." She mumbled, her hands tapping awkwardly on the empty beer bottle.<br>"I'd love to stay. Honestly. But I can't. I have somewhere to be."  
>Jo just nodded in understanding and waved him off before returning to her bedroom, sulking. Her eyes bore into her cell phone, almost like she was going to burn a hole in it with her high hopes and expectations that he would actually call.<p>

And he did.

An hour or so later, he did call her. He did want to talk to her after all! Her face lit up like a child at Christmas and she sat there for two hours, talking to him on the phone, the smug grin on her face not disappearing for a second.

"Hey, Joanna? Will you be interested in going on a date with me next week? Saturday, maybe?" He asked, his voice seemingly innocent and pure.

Jo was more excited than ever, her heart skipping a nervous beat. "I'd love to. Pick me up at eight, lover boy." She added, just for a teasing affect. The call ended with a laugh from both sides and then they both went to sleep, dreaming of positivity and most likely each other.

The next day, the date happened. Jo would be pacing her bedroom, panicking about how it was going to go. She even went through the struggle of waking up early to make sure everything was ready. Packing a small bag, money, phone, keys... Double checking it, making sure she had everything. She did this at least twice an hour. Jo trashed her room, throwing plaid shirts and ripped jeans all over her floor. She looked at the dresses she had in disgust. Until she found a pretty little black one. Pleased with herself, she threw it on, spending hours making sure she got her hair and make up just right, which took a while. Reason being she had incredibly shaky hands, the frustration building up. At times, she was ready to just give up and forget about this date. But she didn't; because she was determined and had wanted to go on this date with him for ages! Now she had got her chance, she wasn't throwing it away.

Unlike Joanna, Dean didn't spend nearly as much time. He shoved everything he needed into his jean pockets. Jeans... Worn, jeans. Clearly he didn't want to make much of an impression like Jo did. However, he did shower, shave, put on cologne and spend ages trying to get his hair right. It was somewhat adorable, the way he made sure he looked good. Maybe it was just him being vain, though.

He left early to buy her a single rose, thinking it would leave a good impression on her. Then, getting into his impala, he drove over to her house. He took a deep breath, gazed into the mirror nervously and got out, making his way to the front door, rose in hand. Raising his free hand, he knocked gently on the door, waiting patiently.

Jo heard the knock and her heart fluttered, skipping a beat nervously. She took a deep breath.  
><em>My time to shine.<br>_She then got up, making her way carefully downstairs in a pair of heels that she had never worn in her life. In fact; she had never worn heels before.  
>She had to practice for a few hours on how to walk in heels before the date.<p>

When she reached the bottom of the stairs, she bit her lip nervously, fluffed her hair and flattened her dress and then opened the door.

_Damn._  
>Both agreed with that thought mentally, each person gazing over each other intently, a soft smile on their faces.<br>It was evident, that despite Dean being dressed down, she fell head over heels for his amazing looks. She blushed under his gaze and fixed herself, chuckling sheepishly and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.  
>Dean looked over her, eyes scanning her curiously. She was stunning, and felt too under-dressed compared to her. He couldn't even speak. His words became jumbled, he was a stammering mess before her. His breath caught in his throat and instead, he just snapped his mouth shut, and thrust the rose towards her in the most unromantic manner.<br>Jo didn't mind.  
>Not at all.<br>Instead, she just gave a very childish chuckle and took the rose. As their hands touched, she leaned forward and kissed his cheek as a thank you. Dean grinned confidently and held out his arm to her. Politely, she took it and they walked out of the door together.

They drove in silence; both nervous wrecks. Neither of the two knew how to start a conversation. Very unlike Dean. Dean was generally bubbling with things to say, trying to flirt with her and talk to her in an attempt to make her like him even more. Not this time though. He was too nervous to open his mouth, in case he said something wrong. His hands clutched the wheel, knuckles white.

"Calm down; I don't bite, y'know." Jo finally said, her voice a soft, calming whisper.  
>"I know. I'm sorry." Instantly, upon hearing her honey-like voice, he relaxed and drove calmly to their date destination.<p>

The date was successful. Both had a great time, enjoyed their meal. Jokes were made and laughter was to be heard. After about ten minutes of the date, they finally opened up to each other more, both making casual conversation and flirting with each other in the most teenage fashion. It was sweet and innocent.

Dean drove her back home. He turned off the engine outside her house and gazed over at it, the lights on. Obviously, her mom was waiting up for her to return. Most likely pacing, ready to plan her '_I'm ashamed of you'_speech. But she didn't need to. He got her home ten minutes before curfew. He wanted to make a lasting good impression. They sat together in the impala for a few minutes, talking and making small jokes.  
>"Thank you for tonight, Dean. I really liked it." Jo told him, her gaze meeting his.<br>"No, thank you. I had a great time. Most fun I've ever had, really." He confessed.  
>"I can say the same. I guess I better go now." She sighed, somewhat disappointed that she had to leave and return to her home. If she had her way, if she wasn't too afraid to rebel, she would stay out all night with him, doing whatever they wanted. Maybe even go on an adventure together... but she didn't. Because she was afraid.<p>

When she was ready to get out of the car and open the door, Dean rested his hand on her shoulder and turned her to face him.  
>And in that small, quick moment... He kissed her. Her lips were soft, gentle. As were his...<p>

She smiled and he returned the fond smile. "See you tomorrow."  
>"Yeah, see you..." She muttered, in a confused daze. She waved him goodbye and she was back home again.<p>

And he was gone.

The night was over.

And after that one night, their relationship blossomed into something more than just friends. He took her to places she had never been before, and she loved every single date they went on together. Before she knew it... They were falling more and more in love with each other.

That's all it took.

That's all it took for their relationship to become something beautiful, something real.

Love.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2; Flames

Time had progressed and Joanna and Dean were beginning to get to know each other pretty well and were soon discovering things about each other, learning facts and insights on each other and their families. They generally did this late at night, clocking up extortionate phone bills of which both parents would complain about. However, neither of them cared.

As the days past and they eventually began to go on more, frequent dates, it became more than just a little peck on the cheek. Dean was a confident male and as the date ended, he took the first step towards closing the gap between the pair and was willingly ready to kiss her. She didn't mind though; she was all too willing to make the next step and press her lips to his for a short, sweet moment. Her cheeks became pink, and he gave a slight smirk, and brushed his hand down her arm and bid her farewell, telling her that they would see each other again.

And they did.

They saw each other the very next day, this time, their relationship excelling even further.

Dean pressed breathy kisses to her neck as he pushed down her plaid shirt that covered her plain white vest, sucking the flesh gently to leave a soft bruise to show that he had marked her and that she was now his. Jo didn't complain though- not in the slightest. She blushed slightly, but she didn't let her somewhat embarrassment ruin the mood. This is what she wanted, this is what he wanted. A little bit of a blush wasn't going to ruin the mood. Soon enough, they were stripped down to their undergarments and that was all that was left to cover their smooth skin, fingers tracing over the contours and dips in their bodies, the contrast of calloused on smooth. It was a strange, but pleasant feeling.

Soon enough, they were panting for breath, gasping and whispering sweet nothings to each other as they ended in a bundle of sweat and laughter, the flames dampening to a dwindling fire in each of their hearts.

"I love you, Joanna Beth. I do. And I'd really like it if you'd be my girlfriend." He whispered in her ear, kissing her temple. She simply laughed, and he felt a little offput from asking the question, now that she was laughing at him. Although, she nodded and accepted the offer. "Were you going to suggest that we had sex for nothing, Dean Winchester?" She gasped over-dramatically, but wore a cheerful and playful smile on her face that lit up her face, Dean mirroring her expressions as he smiled too, happy for the first time in quite a while. He shook his head. "I could never suggest that we would have sex for nothing, Miss Harvelle. That would be out of the question!" He mocked, grinning as he played about with her, the two of them laughing and rolling on the bed, limbs still tangled together, fused, almost due to their sweat causing them to be sticky. Neither of them really cared, though.

After an intense hour, they laid there together, whispering small things to each other as they brushed their fingers along each other's arms, drawing patterns and admiring how one another looked. Within those small moments, they began to fall in love, and they fell asleep knowing that; their relationship was going to be just fine.


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: In for a surprise.

Dean and Jo had been together for about six months now. They acted as every young, fresh couple did. Deeply in love. Or that's what they thought, anyway. Every single gaze was full of love, adoration for one another. Each smile so incredibly enthusiastic. Every time their lips touched, it was like a drug, an addiction. They couldn't get enough of each other. But their love- it was pure, youthful and full of innocence. They rarely argued, but when they did, they could never stay angry at each other. They were generally mad at each other for about ten minutes before they were calling each other up, or going to each other's house. Whenever it was Dean apologising, he would turn up at her door with a goofy smile, and a small, cheap bouquet of colorful flowers. She would just smile and laugh, kiss his cheek and tell him that she forgave him. She would accept the flowers and invite him in. It always ended up with him staying the night. She didn't mind though.

This time, Dean had promised her an incredibly romantic night. It was definitely a night full of romance. They were both dressed up in formal attire. Ellen was proud of her and especially of him. She smiled at the two and couldn't help but take a picture. It was one that she could see herself putting on the wall of the corridor.  
>"Ready?" He asked her, with a small smile playing on his lips. She took the rose that he held delicately between his fingers and held it in her hands, rolling it between her fingers. She tiptoed and gave him a small peck on the cheek. "I'm ready." With that, he smiled back at Ellen, and led her out to the car, helping her inside. While he was incredibly excited about the evening, he was also dreading how it was going to end;<p>

Giving her something beautiful, just to take it away again in one heart wrenching sentence.

For now, he would just make the best of the moment they had in front of them, and not worry about how broken she was going to be in the next couple of hours. Goddamn, he hated himself for this. But he had no choice. This was something he had to do. This is what he was good for- always playing with the soldier toys, the action men... This was where Dean was destined to be. However, he was so torn apart. He was meant to be in two places. He was meant to be with Jo, holding her in his arms, comforting her in the tough times. And then he was meant to be a fighter.

They had dinner, and they laughed, they smiled. He held her hands, his calloused fingers brushing over her silky smooth skin. He was going to miss that. He was going to miss her touch.  
><em>Don't cry. Not now. Not ever. Be strong. Show her that you care, that there isn't a single thing wrong. That you're happy right now. That you're not going to be going away in just two weeks...<em>

_Fourteen days._

She sat there, looking into the emerald green pools of his eyes, all the different flecks and tones. There were so many...So many to get lost in. Her eyes flickered as she watched his eyelids open and close, the way his pupils constricted and widened once again. How the black holes absorbed the colour, and then would push it back out again, revealing it to her. So many colours that were incredibly impossible to ever memorise.

Despite her eyes being a muddy brown, and his an emerald green, she still thought that her eyes were so beautiful; that they were so special, as it just made her face look so innocent and pure. She could be a symbol of peace. A dove. They sat there sipping champagne, laughing. Then he decided to make a toast to her.

"To you, Joanna Beth. To the most wonderful, purest, caring, considerate and cheerful woman I've ever met. You make the world go round. You're so incredibly special to me, and I don't want you to ever forget that. To you, Jo." He smiled, looking over her features, and how she sat there, embarassed, happy, bewildered. Just a mix of emotions as she had to gather her thoughts. It was only a little speech, but to her, it was powerful to her, it was strong and showed the link of their relationship and how they were held to each other with strong chains.

After a few moments, she accepted the toast, and they clinked their glasses, sipping the champagne and revelling in the unique tastes of sparkling fruit, and how different grapes taste when it's alcoholic.

After their dinner, and Dean paying the extortionate price for something that was beautiful, and just to enjoy a good meal in the company of his beloved. He wouldn't complain though. He would understand that that was the price to pay for good things. He would cherish every good moment he got, and realised that it was about to get a whole lot worse, in the next fourteen days.

_Fourteen days._

Some people may say that fourteen days is quite a bit of time, that that gives them enough time to go out and enjoy the world. But it wasn't, really. He could close his eyes and open them and the next minute he knew, the deadline was there, and he was going to have to man the hell up and face it.  
>He was terrified. But he knew this was what he had to do. He was destined for this job.<p>

He decided that they should take a walk, and he led her through a park, walking along the paths with her, holding her hand tight. He watched her shiver and he halted to take off her jacket and wrap it around her shoulders. He would make her warmer, even if it meant that he became colder. Anything for her. She was his world. The most important thing...  
>He pulled her close to his body, his hand rubbing over her smooth shoulder. They didn't talk much, and just took in the scenery, the way the trees rustled gently to the cold autumn air.<p>

Next, he heard a loud squeal, and then a loud clap. Looking up, there was a burst of colour in the air.

Fireworks.  
>Jo looked up, mesmerised by the colours, how bright they were. They flashed fast, and faded away. Just like lightning. Despite how loud they were, she loved them. She always had. Ever since she was a kid. She was constantly begging to be taken to firework displays, whenever she had the chance. Even if it meant standing out in the cold for hours, standing around as she waited for the fireworks to shoot up in the air and explode so beautifully into an array of color that the crowd wouldn't know, that they would just have to wait and see. A surprise with each firework.<p>

"Aren't they beautiful, Dean? Aren't they?" She asked, just like a child. He smiled and nodded.  
>"Yeah. Beautiful... Just like you." He told her, nudging her playfully. She glanced to him and smiled. He plastered on a smile for her sake. He knew that he had to. That he couldn't show any hint of sadness. If he did, she would instantly catch on that something was wrong.<p>

"Come on, let's go sit down." He told her, nudging her along gently. She stood for a few moments more, staring up at the sky in anticipation, wanting more bursts of colour. But they didn't come. She pouted slightly. No matter the occasion, she was constantly returning to her childish roots and mannerisms. Dean had picked up on every one of them, and sometimes he would sit there and tease her about them, just because it was amusing and he loved getting a reaction out of her.

They sat down on the cold wooden bench and he pulled her close into his arms, her head rested on his chest. They had a beautiful view of the bright green grass ahead of them, scattered trees and between the branches they could see the glistening waters of the river. It was a picture perfect scene, but where they were sat wasn't for such a good occasion. In fact, it was the complete opposite. This is where proposals should happen. Not this kind of news.

He buried his nose in her hair, smelling the hibiscus and lavender shampoo she had used. It wasn't overly powerful, but it was strong enough that he could still smell it. It was a very feminine scent, but suited Joanna Beth extremely well. Her skin smelt like coconut and vanilla. Just like biscuits. She was sweet smelling, which fit her well considering she was such a sweet, beautiful and loving girl. God, he didn't want to leave her. Not like this. She may have been strong, and able to look after herself, but he felt wrong leaving her on her own. She shouldn't have to be on her own, just because of his stupid goddamn choices... He was screwing this up. He could turn back now, just drop out.

"Jo... Baby. I've got to tell you somethin'. Somethin' you're not gonna like. No, I'm not cheating on you. I promise you that." He told her, turning on the bench to get a clear look at her. Her eyes were full of fear, but her face was a clear expression of naivete. He sighed quietly and his heart lurched against his ribcage. This is what he was leaving behind. He was ruining this girl's life.

"I'm going to the army."

He didn't say anything more after that. They both just sat there in silence. Jo didn't know what to say. She didn't know how to handle the information that he just fed her. Her brain was juggling it, trying to give her an appropriate response, a response that he could work with. She continued to look at him, her eyes trying to read off something that told her that he was lying. But she found nothing- he wasn't lying. God, he wasn't lying. This was real.

As soon as that clicked in her brain, something snapped and she let out a small whimper. She didn't want to believe it. This wasn't true. He wasn't leaving her. She shook her head, her hand covering her mouth to muffle the sounds of her heart tearing apart. The quiet cries.

"No; don't lie to me, Dean. Not now... Don't leave me now." She begged him, taking his hands and gripping them tightly, pleading for a different answer. She refused to believe it. Even him telling her that he had slept with someone accidentally would have been better than this information. Her heart was shattered, just by using five words. Five words that shouldn't exist, that shouldn't ever have to be heard by anyone. He didn't say anything to her. He couldn't. Because if he did, he would cry too. He didn't want her to see that. Dean wanted to show that he was still confident, full of hope, comedy, and love for her. That he wouldn't cry over this because this is what he wanted. He wanted to go to the army and fight. Fight for his country. That's what he was destined to do.

She held onto his shirt, clutching desperately. She continued to sob hard against his chest, tears splashing onto his shirt and seeping through, some dripping down and splattering onto his jeans. He didn't mind, though. She had every reason to cry. He didn't. He was putting himself through this. Therefore, he wasn't allowed to cry. This is why he refused to cry in front of her. Because he put himself in this situation, he called them, and asked to join the army. It wasn't like he was forced into it... If only that was the situation.

Jo was so confused. Why would anyone want to do that? Hold a gun and shoot people down, killing people who didn't deserve to die. Parents, children, cousins, uncles... The list was endless. They were families out there, and they were dying. And then there was the risk that Dean could die out there... Dean... could die. With that thought, she ripped herself from his arms and ran over to a trash can, her extortionately priced dinner exiling from her body upon hearing such life-ruining news. She wiped her mouth and looked back at Dean. She sobbed and she almost looked apologetic. Like she was the one doing this to him. That she was sending him off to the army, in that hot, itchy uniform that no man should have to belong in.

"How long, Dean? How long do you have left?" She managed to ask, her throat scratchy and her voice a quiet croak. She was embarrassed because of that, but she didn't really have time to care when any day now, her boyfriend was going to be deported to Afghanistan. He took a moment to gather his thoughts, to gather the words and have the strength to pull himself together, make sure that he didn't split apart in front of her. He took a breath, and swallowed thickly. His jaw set. She looked at him, hopeful. Hoping that it wouldn't be soon. That they'd have months to live a free life, to give her time to forget about the news, or at least adjust to it. That's really what she needed. Sadly- that's not what she was going to get.

_Fourteen days._

"Two weeks." He muttered, his voice cracking. He looked at her, but as soon as he saw her gaze meet his, they flickered away again, staring into the distance. The fireworks started again and they shot up into the air. Just moments ago, they were watching them, laughing and smiling. Now, everytime they see those bright bursts of color, it will just remind them of this pain, the pain of being torn apart. That this was the last proper date they may ever go on...

"Don't go! You'll die out there." She cried, stumbling forward to grasp his hand. She had only ever had his best interests at heart. All the time. Jo had only ever wanted the best for him. For him not to be taken away from her. They were inseperable. Even Ellen and John had said that. That they were never going to be apart...

"It's dangerous. I- I might not see you again." She whispered, before her voice broke again, and that small, cracked, cry fell past her lips without a hint of warning, or permission. She couldn't stop it; she couldn't stop the tears that fell down her cheeks. She felt guilty for crying, like she didn't have a right to cry. Just the way he felt. However, she felt as if she was spoilt in this relationship. That she had everything, that everything was perfect. Therefore, it doesn't warrant her a reason to cry, despite the fact he was being exiled out to Afghanistan. That was every reason to cry.

"I'll do everything I can to come back to you. Jo, y'know me. I don't give up easily. That's why I chased you around for ages." He teased. Sure, it was an inappropriate time to joke, but he had to. He couldn't stand to see her cry over him. Not like this. He only wanted to make her smile, to make her happy, proud of him. Not broken hearted... Not like this. She gave a small smile, laughing quietly, which was strangled by a sob. She couldn't help it. She couldn't just stand away from him like this. She whimpered, looked up at him with desperation and sadness in her eyes and he knew instantly. He paced over to her and pulled her tight into his arms. Her small, fragile hands clutched desperately at his shirt, his fingers tangled in her hair as he held her close, just wanting to know that doing this, she'd be safe. He'd get paid for this; bring home money to her, to look after her and offer her a life that was sustainable with the money he made from the army. He could offer her so much, with the money he was going to make. A house... They could settle down together. Maybe after a few years work in the military, he would be able to quit, and then they could start their life.

A perfect life.

"Tell me that you're not becoming a soldier. T-that you're gonna do something else. Drive them around or somethin'... Please!" She begged, shaking him by his collar, her knuckles white from the tight grip she had on his shirt, desperate not to let him go. She knew, though. She knew that she would have to say goodbye soon.

_Three hundred and thirty six hours..._

And he'd be **gone.**


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4; Comfortably Numb

Time had gone by. In fact, eleven days had gone by. Eleven days... Jo sat in her bed, not eating, sleeping, drinking. She had completely gone on strike from doing anything, from moving. She rarely saw Dean. That wasn't because he didn't try, it was because she refused. She didn't want to get out of bed to do anything. Everyday, Dean would come knocking, in hopes that it would be her who answered the door. Instead, it was Ellen, who just gave him an apologetic smile. She really wished that Jo would come down and see him, to show that him that she still cares and looks upon him with the same adoration and love for him. That she would have that childish sparkle in her eyes, the way her face would light up, her cheeks glowing with a beautiful blush that ever so gently tinted her cheeks with a tinge of pink. The way her smile would grow on her face, the purest smile that Dean had ever seen. How he managed to get a girl like her, he would never know. He was everything opposite to her. Sure, he was attractive... But he was nothing like her. He was the bad boy. A bad boy falling head over heels with a good girl. That wasn't right. He didn't deserve her. But she was desperate not to let go...

Or she was like that, once. However, he barely knew anymore. She didn't answer his calls, reply to his texts... Nothing. Instead, she had completely gave him the cold shoulder, refusing time and time again to talk to him. She made out that she was strong, confident. Everytime Ellen walked in, she would just be lying there or sitting there, doing something. Reading a book, or drawing. Not once,

did she see her daughter cry.

But she did. She did cry. Every damn night, she cried. Screaming into her pillow until her stomach hurt from crying so hard, the sobs wracking through her body. Her eyes would be swollen when she awoke. She would simply sneak through the house to the bathroom and get a cold towel to rest on them to bring down the swelling. She never once wanted to seem weak to her mom, even though she knew that she would accept it and understand. It wasn't everyday that you lost two men in your life; your father, and your lover. It was a hard life, but Ellen understood. She understood the emotional roller coaster that Joanna Beth was yet to face. And God, she wished her all the luck in the world. She knew what it was like to just lie in bed at two in the morning, bawling your eyes out, begging silently for them to come back, praying to whatever God there was, begging that they'd bring them back. That it wouldn't be the end and that there was hope, for them coming back. The nights where you were just so damn numb that the only option was to lie there, wide awake and alone with your thoughts, but you couldn't cry anymore because you'd cried all your tears the night before, wrung them dry of whatever water was left.

Ellen understood.

If there was one person that Jo could open up to and relate to, it'd be her mother. She just didn't have the strength to go there yet. She knew that she was there to support her, but she wasn't ready to face the support and sympathy that her mom had for her. The undying love felt bad enough; as if it was grabbing her throat and strangling her. The love from Dean irritated her. In her eyes, it was if it was patronising now. That he didn't deserve to love her, because he had just torn her apart and ripped her heart out with no remorse, no regrets. That he was just so damn willing to exile himself off to the military and he was fully okay with it.

Well, she wasn't. She was far from okay with it. She wanted nothing more than to just see him smile, get lost in those beautiful emerald eyes. To count the freckles that scattered his cheeks. The way his lips would lift and make such a charming smile. To just listen to his voice and become instantly soothed by it, the way he held her, calming her down and letting her know that everything was going to be okay.

And that is how she fell in love with him all over again.

Dean had had enough. He couldn't take this anymore. This time, when he knocked on their door, and Ellen opened with the same apologetic smile, he gave a small smile in return, but barged his way through. She just chuckled. She had been waiting for so long for him to do this. There were only seventy-two hours left. He was determined to make her smile, to make her happy once more. Even if it was just once, just before he left. He managed to make her smile on that night, why couldn't he do it now? He knocked on her door and waited silently. He made sure not to speak. If he did, it would give him away instantly. He stood there, confident, clutching a bouquet of the typical bunch of colorful flowers that he always brought to her when something went wrong. This time, there was a note attached.

He heard shuffling behind the door, and listened as he heard her scuttle towards the door. The door creaked open and he saw the look on Jo's face. It wasn't a good one. Her eyes widened in shock, but then narrowed quickly, into something of what could look like detest. With that, he felt unsettled, unhappy once again. He stepped into her room, closing the door. He went to hug her, arms outstreched and she just stepped back, like this was the most bizarre thing she had ever seen. That he wasn't human. He frowned at her, and his eyes filled with tears. This was so unlike Jo. Why was she disregarding him like this? It was shattering his heart into mini, dangerous, poisonous shards. Seeing such a horrified look on her face knocked him back. Clearing his throat, he ignored his own emotions and focused on hers. "I bought these for you. There's a note." He thrust them forward towards her. It wasn't the same; he didn't wear the goofy smile he always did. He didn't have that same sparkle in his eyes. They weren't full of life and joy. Instead, both looked at each other, so numb from the heartbreak. Both eyes were just- dull. Containing no hint of emotion. Dean's eyes may have filled with tears, but to her, it didn't mean a thing. He didn't care about her anymore. That's what she thought. She snatched the flowers from his hand, holding them tight. She didn't care about the thorns. Dean was just a thorn in her side anyway. She could handle a few more. She didn't care how hard they pricked her. Blood was probably a good thing right? It means that she was _alive._

She moved away from him and went to sit on the bed. She dropped the flowers down beside her, and ripped the note from the ribbon, opening the paper with shaky hands.

_Dear Joanna Beth Harvelle,_

_I just want you to know... I still love you. I still look at you and hope to see your smile, the way your cheeks would raise, the small blush you would wear everytime you saw me. Except, I don't just hope. I pray for it. I beg to see it. I love you, Joanna Beth. And I wouldn't have it any other way. If you break my heart, that's fine. Because I know that I've broken yours now. You don't deserve this. You don't deserve the pain I'm giving you. But still, you tolerate me. So I have one more thing to ask you..._

Dean got down on one knee before her. Jo looked at him inquisitively, wondering what the hell he was doing. He wouldn't propose; not now, surely? Was it possible? That he truly loved her that much... Death do us part... Did that apply to them, now that he was going to the military? She laughed to herself.  
>"Will you marry me, Joanna Beth?" He asked, looking up with hopeful eyes. It's as if the gaze between the two was rejuvenated. Remade. They looked at each other, both with a look of bursting love, one that couldn't be missed. She sat there staring at him in awe for a few moments before she stood up.<p>

"Yes." She choked out, trying to snap herself out of the daze. She laughed and repeated it again and again. She kneeled down and threw herself into his arms. He laughed too and he held her tight against his larger frame, sighing softly and holding her in his arms, relieved that he had managed to fix everything. This time, he hoped that they would be inseperable properly now. Not just physically, but also, in spirit. Mentally, emotionally. He couldn't imagine a life without her, and neither could she without him. Without him, she wouldn't have anything to look forward to in the morning.

She wasn't expecting a ring; not at all. She was surprised he even had the money for one. But he did. He spent his last dollars what he had been saving up for a few years on a stunning engagement ring that he hoped she would accept, and that she would love. He slid the ring onto her slender finger; a snug fit.

People may disagree with what they were doing, but they didn't care. Yes, they were young. Very young. They were nineteen, and hadn't even been together that long, but he knew this is what he wanted, she was who he wanted in life. He loved her so dearly, and begged the Gods not to take her away from him. And she wished the same while he was out there, fighting for his country. She looked at the ring and she cracked a small smile, a laugh filled whimper passing her lips. She looked at him with hopeful eyes, as if now that he had proposed he wouldn't have to leave. But he had a look in his eyes that told her otherwise. He looked at her with sympathy, endless apologies and a look of love that seemed to be more cast back than what it should be. His eyes should have expressed his happiness and his love for her... But they didn't. And that's what sickened her somewhat. That instead of celebrating the fact he had just got engaged to her, instead, he was too busy feeling sorry for her because he was leaving her, yet again. She didn't want that. She didn't want him to feel sorry for her. Jo wanted him to have faith in her, confidence that she would survive through this time, that she was strong and she could heal and build something new, even if he wasn't there...

Was that so much to ask for?

"_I love you, Joanna Beth."  
>"I love you too, Dean."<em>

Their voices were merely whispers to each other, but the words were muttered in such desperation, such need for each other. That this was their last, peaceful, wonderful moment they had with each other. One that they would have to use to get through each day. Dean, out there, clutching to the chain he wore around his neck, knowing that he had a girl at home waiting for him, anxious for his return home. Everytime he would think of her, he would smile. Remembering the vivid picture in his mind of Jo's face, each delicate feature carved out by angels. He just prayed that the picture would stay that way... That it wouldn't ever fade. He wouldn't want it any other way.

And everytime she would glance down at her hand, she would see the ring sparkling back up at her, glimmering in the light. A smile too, would cross her features. Glancing at the ring would help her remember that Dean was strong, determined and he never gave up, no matter what the situation was. Like he said;

"_If I wasn't determined, would I of chased you around for so long?"_

Reminiscing, she laughed whole-heartedly, laying back against the pillows, remembering his choice of words and how easily he could make her smile, despite her previously crying. It was if her tears were never there, that she wasn't mourning over him, pining, even. Wouldn't that be nice... If she didn't have to do this.

But she did.

**The day Dean leaves.**

He didn't need to take much; a small bag for some things... Personal belongings. A picture of Jo, family... Things he would be fighting for. The things that were his 'prize' for fighting the war and managing to get home again in one piece. Jo spent the rest of the days and hours with him. They went places, they also stayed home, in the short seventy two hours, sometimes too lazy to do anything and just wanting to enjoy each other's company. One day, they spent the whole day in the bedroom. Ellen was probably sick of it, but she understood. If William came back, she'd be the very same. Refusing to let him go. She laughed and just gave them their space, leaving for the day and coming back.

In the last few hours they had together, she cried, she laughed, she smiled. She held onto him desperately, clinging to him and pleading, begging for him not to leave. That he didn't need to go, that he would be safer at home, repeating the same sentences over and over, like the first night, the night he told her the news. That night was one of the most beautiful dates she had ever experienced with Dean, but then it shortly became one of the worst.

"Come on, Dean! I know you're strong, I know you're determined b-but- you don't have to do this. You don't have to leave. We can find you another job! I don't want you to go. I'll miss you too much." She cried, gripping his hands so tight. She wasn't ready to let go. No one ever is; but it's just something you have to accept and get on with. And she really didn't want to. No one ever did. No one in their right goddamn mind would ask their loved ones to go off to war. No person should have ever made war. Love, not war.

This wasn't meant to happen. Not to her. Not to him, either. They had so many dreams, dreams of going places together, seeing new sights. She wasn't going to do it alone, without him to enjoy it and experience it with her. That was hardly fair.

The minutes were counting down and he had little over ten minutes left. He stood there, cradling her, hushing her gently as she continued to sob violently, her body convulsing as she sobbed into his arms. This time; he wasn't in his usual attire. Not anymore. He was a changed man. He was now officially in the military and he sat there, in his uniform, holding her, praying to God that he would come home. After a few moments, he did something he had never done in front of her; he began to sing. He began to sing 'Hey Jude' to her, in attempts to calm her down and reassure her that everything was going to be okay and that this wasn't the end of it.

The car turned up outside the house and he heard the beeping of the horn. He looked at her and he could see the sheer terror that filled her eyes. She was petrified of letting go. He gave her one, last charming smile. "I'll be back, I promise you." He whispered. He led her to the door with him. He pulled her tight into his arms again, knowing that this was the last time for a long while that he would be able to do that. He inhaled her scent for a while, just trying to remember what she smelt like. He kissed her tenderly, trying to remember what her lips felt like.

However, every attempt seemed useless. He'd just have to keep trying, everyday.

They tried to extend their goodbye as long as they could, but they had had their last goodbye. His hand slowly slipped from hers and he walked to the car and got in. He turned to look out of the window, to see Jo. He smiled at her, that same, charming smile that he always used. He waved to her and blew her kiss. She laughed, but continued to cry, waving in return.

God, she missed him already.

As soon as the door shut behind her, after she waved him off as much as she could, and he was so far into the distance she couldn't even see the silhouette of the car. She slammed the door, and slid down against it, allowing herself a moment of weakness as her legs caved beneath her. She let out a loud cry, her fists hitting off the floor as she cried hysterically, begging for him to be okay, to come back.

"**Come back, Dean."**


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Deterioration

Everyday, it was as if Jo was just waiting by the door, expecting him to walk in at any given moment. She wished, prayed every day that one day, out of the blue- he'd come home and surprise her. She was stupid for thinking that way. Her mother just gave her the same sympathy look everyday, just watching how she sat cross legged in front of the door for hours on end, expecting him to fling open the door and pick her up. It was like a dog waiting for their master... except hers wasn't turning up any time soon.

For her, loyalty meant so much. If she left that space in front of the door, it was as if she was throwing away everything she was working towards, and she was that disloyal girl that would just be thrown out with no point of existence any more.

Days passed. Weeks did. As did the months. However, despite the time shrinking away, and it meant that Dean would be home sooner, it never seemed to get easier. In fact, she felt it got even harder than before. The pain almost consumed her and swallowed her whole, to the point that she could go days and she still wouldn't stop crying. Everyday, she just prayed to whatever god was out there that Dean would come home safe and sound. That he'd be okay. Was that too much to ask for?

Most days, she told Ellen not to visit her, because she wanted to be alone. Despite her words, Ellen knew her daughter better than that- she knew that what she wanted the most was someone to hold her and comfort her, reassuring her that no matter what happens, Dean will be okay. For Jo's sake, she had to believe that, even if deep down she didn't have much hope in the matter. It was the military for god's sake. It was a place full of bitterness and violence, sadness and grief for others. What hope was there, really?  
>Even if he did come home, he wouldn't be the same man she once knew. He might be slightly different, or even entirely different. There was no way one could tell.<p>

Jo didn't care. Different man or not, wounded or not, she would still love him the same and still be incredibly grateful to the Gods that he was alive and that he was safe, returned back to her.

_Only half a year left._ She thought to herself, and ultimately she knew that she was fighting for him and really no other reason. She felt somewhat stupid and childish for just waiting everyday, almost like she was expecting him to just turn up out of the blue. Despite the fact she would call him on the phone and she would see that he wasn't in America- he was in Afghanistan.

Jo was deteriorating. She was shedding weight more and more every day. Since Dean had been gone, she rarely ate. Every time she did, she would throw up. Not because she didn't want to eat- she did. But she just felt so sick knowing that she had food and Dean was out there killing people, and risking his life to do so. It felt wrong. _Impure. _So when it came to meal time, she would just grab the fork and poke around at her food, watching how it would just sit there on her plate. Dropping her fork, she dismisses herself without a second thought to even tell her mother and just sits in her room this time, a chair on the floor in front of the window so she could watch in the event a car would roll up in the drive.

Her immune system was decreasing rapidly. She found that she was often dizzy, throwing up twenty four seven, and she was incredibly pale. Every hint of a tan she had now, it was gone. She didn't really have any colour on her skin, her bones more visible and protruding more so than they ever did before. Ellen tried so hard to help build her back up- be a mother and try to help her... But nothing she did helped. Jo was almost becoming a lost cause and the only thing to fix her again was for Dean to be at home. But that wasn't a good enough excuse, surely. Jo couldn't do this every time he was to leave. After all, he was doing this to build up their future, their income.

There was nothing left to do;

But call in for help.

Ellen had to find a way to get hold of Dean, and find out if there was any way of getting in contact with his boss and see if she could get him home. However, she knew that there would be a fight to be had if she was actually going to go through with it and going to talk to him and his boss. There was no way in hell that they would just let the Winchester walk free from Afghanistan just because his fiancee couldn't help the withdrawal symptoms of being without him. It sounded somewhat stupid and idiotic and could easily be a lie. Ellen could bet a lot of money on that (and win) that at least half of the Military Wives have called up to try and get their husbands home using that excuse, because they are unable to cope, whether they have kids, or they're just too worried sick about them, they would still try anything.

Ellen would probably do the same. If she could have, she would have stopped William from hunting or at least get him to come home early. Her daughter saw it often in her eyes as a child, that her Mom was unhappy because she was always away from her true love. If she was able to, she would of brought back her father in the blink of an eye, just to see her Mom happy again.  
>Ellen knew that, and that's why she knew she had to everything in her power to try and bring Dean back. However, when she was going to bring him back, she wanted it to be a surprise.<p>

She wouldn't bring him back straight away of course; that would just be illogical. Or at least, she thought so. She had to make sure not to act suspicious too, otherwise Jo would know that her Mom was up to something. She was clever that way, and that's why everyone knew she was definitely Ellen's daughter. She was so much like her.

If she was able to bring him back, she would do it so that he come home for the weekend- it was a nice surprise, and she really just hoped that she would succeed in bringing him home.

Today was the day that she tried to bring him home. As soon as she thought of the plan, she knew that she wanted to instantly try and get through to them. She waited until she knew that Dean would be back from the front line, or doing whatever job it was that he was supposed to do out there, and until he had finished calling Jo... Then she would call up Dean and get in touch with his Corporal or whatever it was. Ellen was filled with all the determination of the world, and she knew that she had to bring him back. There had to be some way of doing it. Even if it meant extreme bribery. She would bring him back. She would make Jo happy- even if she died trying. Well; maybe not die... That was a bit extreme.

A few hours passed and finally Dean had called Jo. They spoke for about half an hour before there was silence. When the silence struck, Ellen took the chance and finally picked up the phone and managed to get in contact with Dean, whispering the plan down the phone to him. He seemed to be on board with it, alhough he doubted how well it would work. This was Ellen Harvelle though- she was capable of anything. Especially with how terrifying she was. Dean had no doubt in his mind that she would find some way to get him home, even if it meant extreme blackmail. He was highly interested in seeing how this was going to pan out. Ellen then asked him to give the phone over to the Corporal. He obliged and prayed that he would be able to get back home. He did miss her terribly, and this was the perfect opportunity to try and get him back.

"Corporal Banks speaking," A man with a gruff voice said into the phone. Ellen took a deep breath before figuring out the words in her mind of what she was going to tell him.

"Hi, this is Ellen Harvelle- I'm the mother of Joanna Beth Harvelle, who happens to be Dean Winchester's fiancee. I'm speaking to you in regards of finding out if there is any possibly of getting Dean home early?" She asked, putting on the sweetest voice she could possibly manage. If it didn't come out the way she wanted it though, she could easily change her tone of voice to stern again. She had her wits about her, and wasn't about to just go down so easily.

She knew that the male on the other end of the reciever was hesitating. She knew that it wouldn't just be as easy as asking for him to come home. That wasn't the way the military worked. She had heard enough from John to know that it wasn't ever as easy as that. She was sure that Mary probably would have tried once or twice- but most likely would have given up after being declined. She didn't seem to be much of a fighter in that sense. Although she co had the capability of being stern and strict as hell, she knew that she probably would have been too weak to put up a fight and ask for something she believed she needed. "And why do you believe that he should be given permission to be allowed home early?" He asked, his voice strict.

She knew that if it was Jo asking, she probably would have froze up by this point, and wouldn't know how to respond- and would probably just reply with 'I need him home. I miss him.' or, not even that. She would probably hang up the phone and hide away once more.

Not Ellen though. That wasn't who she was.

"My daughter's state of mental and physical health is deteriorating rapidly. I know you've probably heard thousands of cases like this before, Sir. However, I am incredibly concerned with her well-being. She has shed a few stones in weight now, and refuses to even eat anything. It's as if she had taken herself onto a hunger strike until he comes home. She has also isolated herself completely, and barely utters a word to me. She will only talk to Dean, and obviously, because you are so busy on the front line, she rarely gets to speak to him. Even so, it's not as if she is even happy after that. She just goes back to shutting down. She won't be okay again until he's home. Like I said before, you've probably heard this so much from military wives... If there is any way to bring him home early- even if it's a week, two weeks... Or hell, even a month early! I don't care how early, just please... Try and make it soon? If that's at all possible. I don't want to risk losing my daughter because of her suffering from a broken heart. Surely you understand? Sir?" She asked him, her voice almost croaking with fear. It was true- she was terrified for her daughter's well-being and mental state of mind. She wasn't right any more. There was something missing in her daughter, and she really didn't know how to fix it other than to bring him home, and who knew if that was even possible.

"Well... With a case like that, it is a lot worse than I have ever heard of before, if I'm telling you the truth. I might be able to arrange something. Maybe I'm just too kind and can't tolerate hearing things such as the information you had just told me. It wouldn't be the first time I would have sent someone home- even if it was a smaller excuse made up. There is no saying how soon it will be though. I will get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you for calling."

Before Ellen could even fit another word in edgeways, he had hung up the phone.

She breathed a sigh of relief. She would tell her the news, but she wouldn't tell her the exact date that her lover would be coming home. She still wanted it to remain a surprise, but she wanted to be able to give Jo that glimmer of hope in her eyes once more, instead of the dull one shade that settled in them now.

She knew that Jo had gone to have a bath- it made a change than sitting in the corner of her bedroom. She was proud of her for actually choosing to move from the bed and going to do something that was a bit more productive than moping.

Ellen had a small smile on her face, finally realising that there was some form of a God watching over them that granted them this wish to bring Jo happiness and normality once more.

She made her way to the bathroom and knocked on the door. "Jo? I got somethin' to tell ya!" She called in. However, when there was no response, she began to worry. She couldn't even hear a sound of water swishing in the bath. Something was wrong here... She knocked on the door once more, just in case. "I'm comin' in!" She yelled in warning. Hesitantly, her hand grabbed the door handle and she pushed it open.

Her heart stopped dead, breath caught in her throat.

"No... No, no! Jo!" She screamed and ran in to the bathroom, pulling her limp body from the bath, shoving the blade away from her. She grabbed towels and clutched them to her bloodied wrists and sobbed, looking at her colourless daughter, and how the life was drained and dulled in her eyes, just staring ahead. She called an ambulance, urging them to hurry the fuck up and save her daughter... Maybe they were being punished, instead. Maybe it wasn't meant to be?

The next time she saw Jo open her eyes was in a hospital bed. They consisted of the same lifelessness they had when she was laying limp on the bathroom floor. She had bandages wrapped around her arms, and worse a wristband that was way too big for her bony wrist. The cloak was oversized and was made for someone who would fill it a bit more- but this was the closest she was going to get to wearing one her size.

When she finally awoke, Ellen was instantly aware of the fact she woke up, and was clutching her cold, frail hand in the pair of hers, rubbing her hands over her daughter's to try and warm her up. She pulled the blanket it up over her, and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Jo... Baby, I'm so sorry." She told her, tears brimming in her eyes. She really didn't want to have to see her that way. She didn't want to have to watch Jo suffer, but when she knew that there was good news coming for her, she couldn't just let that happen. She would do everything in her power to make her daughter happy again. She deserved it more than anyone. Especially more than her.

Watching her wake up, all she wanted to do was shout at her for being so stupid- scold her for not being stronger than this. But at the same time... she blamed herself. Maybe it was the fact that she wasn't being a good mother to her- she wasn't there for her as much as she could be. She didn't know where she stood with Jo after this. Was it her fault? Was Jo going to blame her for this attempt? Honestly, she was clueless. Right now, her mind was swamped with all these different thoughts. She didn't know whether to be angry, heartbroken or relieved that she was awake and that she wasn't dead. It was facing the biggest inner struggle, and right now, all she had to do was be there for her daughter and let her know that she is going to try and be by her side as much as possible.


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6; Home

Dean found it hard to process the news that he would be going home in just a few weeks. He also found it heartbreaking to know that Jo was unable to cope without him, when all he was trying to do was bring in an income to help support their family and life after he had officially returned from the military. He didn't know how to break it to her that one day he would have to go back, and that it wouldn't just be this easy. That she couldn't just wish him back every time she got lonely. It was somewhat irritating but he understood that it was difficult to cope without the loved ones that you'd grown so close to. He also found it heartbreaking to know that she had tried to kill herself because she couldn't live without him. Did he really mean that much to her? Was it that important to know that he was alive? If he thought more about it in depth, it was somewhat mind-boggling to think she thought of him in such a way, especially because it wasn't that long ago that she didn't even know him, or wasn't even attracted to him. Still, the thought made him smile when he thought of how innocent she was, and how she needed him. But then when he thought of Jo lying there, frail and broken in that hospital bed... He didn't know how to handle it. It made him sick to his stomach, as if he was carrying around a great burden due to the fact that he was nearly the cause of her death. He didn't want to be that man; the man who harmed his wife, or even just cut her down completely and broke her apart by not being around her any more. It was terrifying and sometimes... sometimes it made him physically sick. His friends would question why he was so ill, but he was never able to answer, somewhat ashamed of the guilt he hoarded, as if he knew that they would judge him for reacting the way he did.

Luckily whilst he was out fighting for his country, nothing major had really happened to him to be awfully traumatised. He was usually able to carry around the guilt and emotions on his shoulders and just brush them off when he wanted to. He was surprised that he wasn't affected by the things he saw, especially because a majority of the people he knew found it so traumatic...but maybe that was why he thought he was so cut out for this job. Especially knowing that his father did the same thing and joined the Navy. There was death, there was friendship, but luckily he had managed to be able to protect the ones he cared about, and made sure that none of them were hurt. Maybe he had just had a lucky streak and wouldn't have to suffer in this business. Maybe.

Weeks passed and finally Dean was going to be able to pack his bags up and head home to the U.S where he knew he rightfully belonged. By his fiancée's side, protecting her and healing her broken heart, but knowing that he wasn't able to promise that was the end of his career made his heart wrench uncomfortably. Sure he would get paid for this, but not nearly enough as what he wanted. He would have to stay in the Military a hell of a lot longer if he wanted a big income. Which is why he would have to go back to the Military in a month or two. He had already confirmed his place there and his return, he just didn't know when would be the right time to confirm his going away again. He knew that Ellen would understand the reasons behind why he was doing this to her, as if it was just torturing Jo time and time again because he enjoyed her never-ending agony. But Ellen understood that wasn't why, and it was with good reason. He knew though, that Jo would be harder to convince, and that she was less likely to understand why he was doing that to her.

Hopefully soon, he would find out a good way to tell her, and reassure her that everything would be fine.

His friends were sad to see him go, but they knew that he had to. He'd packed his bags and gone through the hugs and the goodbyes.

"Bring us back chocolate or somethin'! We're dyin' from all the borin' food they feed us, man!" One of the men shouted, wearing a grin on his face. Dean just laughed and nodded.

"'Course, anything for you guys!" He told them. They walked towards the gates, and Dean finally gave a final wave. They cheered him on as he left, and he jogged to the bus that would be taking him to the airport where he would finally return home, return to some normality. He was excited, butterflies in his stomach. But he knew that Jo didn't know what to expect, because she didn't even know he was coming back this soon. He also knew he had to expect that she wouldn't be the same, and that she wouldn't be the same curvy, bright woman he once knew. That his arms would fit perfectly around her- maybe with too much ease. He knew to expect the scars on her wrist, but he would do everything in his power to reassure her that he was there for her, he understood, and he loved her regardless of her scars and upset. He had made his way to the airport, and he saw the people stare at him, and some of them thanked him for his time out there. It was certainly overwhelming to say the least, but he appreciated it. Because he remember seeing the way they reacted to seeing his father in uniform, and he respected them for that, and he understood why they said it now. He thanked them, and soon enough he was on a flight back home. In long, antagonizing hours, he'd be back home once more, ready to greet his surprised fiancée at the door.

After many long hours of sitting in an uncomfortable seat on the plane, listening to children screaming and crying, parents trying to hush whilst irritated due to being kept awake from the constant noise. Dean was finally back where he belonged. He got off the plane and got on another bus that would be taking him to a train station so that he could get the train to another station that was closer to home. The closest was about a ten minute walk, which he was plenty okay with. With all the training he had to do in the past, ten minute walks were nothing.

He wore the widest smile on his face, despite the intense jet lag that he was already beginning to suffer. He kept his eyes on the prize; Home. Home at last. It was something that he would definitely want to celebrate. Despite only being there for merely a month and a half, it still felt like centuries. Although it probably felt like an infinite amount of time for someone like Jo.

He finally reached his town, and then he managed to make the walk back up to the house. Throughout it all, he started sending texts to Jo to see if she would have figured out that he was back in town. After all, he was never really able to send texts from Afghanistan. It cost way too much, and she knew that he didn't really have that kind of money to spend out there, and of course that meant the same for their food variations. It often meant that they were stuck eating plain and bland overcooked rice.

[text] Hey, Jo. Betcha didn't think I'd ever be texting you. (:

He grinned widely at his phone as he sent her the message as he walked up the hill that went towards the house. He watched the phone patiently, eager to see her response to the text. Of course, he kept it small, and didn't give much away.

[text] That is a good point. How come you're able to text me, Dean? They gave you extra money or somethin?x

Dean just laughed- he found it somewhat amusing how innocent and naive she was about it. How had she not figured out that he had made it back in town? Then again, it wasn't exactly that obvious. After all, it was just one text. It wasn't like he was spamming her with loads of them.

Dean waited a while until he replied with another one, not wanting her to get too suspicious. If that was the case, she would figure it out and it would no longer be a surprise. And he wanted it to be that more than anything. After about five minutes, he debated texting her. He just wanted her to reply again. But he knew that he had to hold off texting her for a moment. As soon as he got outside the front door, he finally text her.

[text] Go open your front door. There's a surprise outside.

He was proud of that text and he couldn't help but smile like an excited child, bouncing on his feet as he waited. He waited and waited, and then finally he heard the thud of her footsteps at the door. His heart was pounding, skipping a few beats here and there as he waited for her. Eventually, she opened the door. She peered round the corner of it, and then she finally opened it properly, seeing her fiancé stood before her. She let out a gasp and a scream, and ran over to him, jumping into his arms. He picked her up with ease, due to the extra muscle he had gained. Ellen stood in the doorway and watched how Jo pretty much changed into a whole new person, now that she had the one thing she wanted the most. Ellen smiled and Dean smiled in return, winking and mouthing a small 'thank you.' Despite knowing he had to go back, he was grateful for this opportunity, although it did sound a little greedy that he got to back home and others didn't. He did feel slightly guilty that he was taking the opportunity that everyone else didn't really ever get to have. If this didn't happen, he would have be there for another two or three months. "I love you," Jo sobbed. Dean knew that she was so grateful for him to finally be back home. He placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head before repeating it to her. "I love you too..." He whispered. He wouldn't tell her yet that he was yet to go back. That would be a train wreck in itself. Maybe in a few weeks. But definitely not now. He didn't want to take something like this away from her. Especially when she was so happy like this. He finally set her back on her feet and looked in her eyes. She reached up with a small hand and caressed his cheek. He leaned in to it and his lips quirked up slightly. "I'm home now." He told her, before taking her hand in his and making his way inside. He just wanted to spend time with her, but he also wanted to rest. She was more important, though. "Let's go get settled back in, yeah?" He asked her, nudging gently. It was if he had never left. She was finally happy once again, and he could already see the colour returning to her face. She would finally start eating again and would start putting some weight back on. He just hoped that by being back he would finally be able to heal her broken heart.

They went upstairs, and he put his suitcase down. He then laid on her bed and pat the space beside him. He just wanted to lay with her and appreciate her company. He really missed it. Especially because he was mostly surrounded by just males out there, and he hadn't really seen her at all since he left. They didn't exactly have many Skype calls. The credits were used far too quick. And now they had about two months to themselves. It was going to be as perfect a he could possibly make it. He wanted it to be special for her. She deserved it.

He lay there with her in complete silence- and nothing had ever felt so perfect before.

"I'm so glad you're back now, Dean." She muttered, resting her head on his chest, listening to the soft thumping of his beating heart. Nothing had ever sounded so calm and perfect before. She closed her eyes and just lay there in a blissful state of mind, like he had never left her, like she had never tried rto kill herself and end it all. It was strange; the way she just dropped all of that and acted as if everything was back to normality . Ellen had filled him in on everything that happened, and to see the way Jo was acting- he did find it a bit bizarre. In all honesty, he didn't really know how to react to her acting this way to him being home. It seemed strange, and maybe he should of said something to her about it. But he didn't want to risk ruining everything for her again. He didn't want to mention some form of therapy for her, because what if that sparked some incredible reaction that could put their relationship at risk?

"I'm glad I'm back too, Jo." He replied after what felt like an eternity of being surrounded by his overwhelming thoughts. He wondered how long he was thinking about it, really. Hesitantly, his eyes drifted to her bandaged wrist. How was she so calm and collected? How was she acting like nothing had happened? That she hadn't tried to kill herself? It somewhat made anger boil in his veins, but he tried his best to dismiss it, and try to be happy for her sake.

Although he knew it wouldn't be that easy.

Ellen knew that too. She was struggling to accept it as well. In all honesty, she didn't really want to accept the fact that her daughter nearly died and it's lucky that Ellen walked in to the bathroom at the time she did.

"Can the bandage come off yet?" He asked, treading carefully with the softest voice he could possibly manage. He felt Jo tense up then, and that she was no longer comfortable being there. He felt her shuffle and clear her throat. He watched how she looked away from him awkwardly, not enjoying the tension that felt like it was going to crush them at any second. He wanted to apologise for asking her that question, knowing that it must've been difficult to face the fact that she had tried to do that. However, it was going to be asked by him at some point, so it might have just been asked now- even if it was a bit too soon.

The next thing she did really did take him by surprise:

She started to unravel the bandage on her arm in complete silence. It began to get thinner and thinner until eventually it revealed the jagged scar that went across her pale wrist. It stood out- it was fresh and dark against her fair complexion. His eyes softened and his heart skipped a beat. He swallowed and clenched his jaw to refrain from crying. He gently picked up her wrist with the utmost care and placed a delicate kiss next to it, in case it hurt to touch it.

"I'm so sorry you did that to yourself- I really wish you didn't.. You knew that I would'a come back for you." He told her in a quiet voice, still somewhat confused as to why she did it if she knew how much determination and willpower he had. She knew that he would've come home. So why this? Why resort to this? Maybe if he was in her place, he'd understand... But for now, he'd never know.  
>"Please don't be ashamed of me." Jo whispered in the quietest squeak of a voice. Despite her being quiet, the words rung loud and clear in his head, and he even heard the cracking in her voice, and how she was holding back a sob. He turned on his side and looked at her.<br>"I could never be ashamed of you- regardless of what you did. Especially not this. You don't deserve that. It's tough having to be a Military Wife of sorts... I understand that it was stressful for you, and that you had the struggle of never knowing if I was going to come back. I will love you and all your scars, Jo." He told her, placing a kiss on her forehead.


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7; Normality

Jo was laughing and smiling again. The rosyness had returned to her cheeks. The scars and many wounds she had were healing; both mental and physical. She was finally back to putting on weight. Dean was having the time of his life now that he was back home. He made sure to look after Jo and Ellen, and he would do little chores- almost as if he was trying to make a good impression. He had opened up a joint bank account for him and Jo and it had come to the time where he could finally put money in so that they could work on building the foundations to their future.

"Hey, what'd ya say about getting' married soon?" Dean asked Jo, leaning against the kitchen counter as she poured a bowl of cereal. She instantly stopped in her tracks, put the box down and turned around. She had the widest grin on her face, eyes full of hope and excitement like a child on Christmas day. "Really? Wait- do we even have the money for that?" She asked, the excitement beginning to dull back down as she realised that they might not even be able to have a wedding. What if it was just a small thing where they just signed the marriage certificates? And it was nothing like what she had dreamt about?  
>"Well; we have the money for that. <em>I <em>have the money to pay for it. The only problem is... it sets us back for the future." He told her, kicking at the ground. Maybe he shouldn't of mentioned it. He already knew that this wouldn't end well for them, and that they'd find something to argue about. He wanted to be able to give her a dream wedding, but he didn't know if he'd be able to do that with the money he got from being out there for a couple months. He didn't want a shabby wedding that pretty much meant nothing to any of them.

"Our future is more important. I don't know if I can just deal with signing a certificate. Or if Mom could deal with that. She wants it to be special..." She told him as she walked away to sit at the counter island.

Hearing that already provoked some form of a reaction from Dean. He sucked in air through gritted teeth, clenching his jaw and looking away. "So.. just being married isn't enough? It has to be some special, expensive, extravagant shit that will only be used for a couple of hours?" He asked, his tone more blunt and rude than ever before. He saw Jo flinch, and he felt a twinge of guilt run through him, but the anger he felt overruled that guilt.  
>He saw the way Jo let out a heavy sigh, and shovelled a spoonful of cereal into her mouth. She swallowed and looked up at him, glaring somewhat. "You know being married is important. But you can't say to me that you've never wanted a wedding- a special wedding. It's more than just extravagant <em>shit <em>Dean. You can't say that. I know that's not what you think. You've never thought about it like that before, so why now, huh? Why now?" She asked, her voice slowly graduating in volume.  
>"Because we can't afford it, for fuck's sake! Why can't you be happy with the basics?"<br>"I can be happy with the goddamn basics! You know full well I can! I was happy until you started talking about this shit." She muttered.  
>"If you were so happy, why did you try to kill yourself?" He bellowed. Before he could stop himself, the words were out, and he couldn't stop himself. His jaw clenched heavy, and he wished that he hadn't said a thing now, and that he could just erase this all and pretend that this didn't happen.<p>

Jo dropped the spoon in the bowl, and she just froze. Her heart stopped for a second. Before she stopped herself from doing anything crazy, she took a breath to compose herself.

"Get out."  
>"Excuse me?"<br>"I said... Get out. Get out, Dean. I don't want to see you." She demanded, her voice low and calm, which was the most terrifying thing that Jo was capable of. The couple had never really argued that much, but when they did, it was toxic and very dangerous. Dean couldn't deny the fact that he was terrified of her whenever they argued. Who knew what she was capable of. She definitely got her stern behaviour from her mother. That was a given.

"_**Get the fuck out!" **_She screamed, her hands hitting the cold island counter repeatedly as she waited for him to leave. The more she saw him, the more she had to hold herself back from slapping him. Dean held his hands up in surrender, and he just turned in silence, and went out of the front door.

Twenty four hours went by, and he had still not returned. He didn't even message her with an apology. Was he expecting her to do it? There was no way in hell that Jo was even near ready to apologise to him. He started it, really. Maybe she was being childish about the whole thing... But she decided that the best thing to do was to just leave it and let him come back to her in his own time...

If he was ever going to.

Jo waited up all night for his return, but yet- he never came back. She didn't know what to do. She sobbed all night, feeling like it was returning back to what it was when Dean left. She shouldn't of said the things she did, but he didn't say the best things either. They were both hurt, and Jo just prayed that he'd come back to her, and that he wouldn't just leave her without saying.

Maybe he was preparing her for what was yet to come. As of yet, she wasn't actually aware of whether he was staying or going any time soon. She just hoped that it wouldn't be soon, and that she had a lot of time left to spend with him.

Although, she knew she would never be that lucky.

After a long night spent sobbing, she finally managed to drift off to sleep, due the crying draining every ounce of energy she had left in her. She fell into a deep, dreamless sleep where she didn't need to think about anything. Halfway through the day, Dean had finally returned. And when he did, he had to confront Ellen about the whole situation, as Ellen was the unfortunate soul who had to listen to her constant crying and sobbing and pleas for him to come back that were shouted into the void of nothingness.

"What do you think you're doin' to that girl?" Ellen asked, her voice stern as she folded her arms and glared at him, jaw set.

Dean knew that he was in major trouble and just stood there and took the firing of words that he deserved. He knew that he had over-exaggerated on a major scale, and that he shouldn't of said the things he did to her. He sighed and raked a hand through his hair before dropping his arm and looking up at Ellen, trying to configure an answer that actually explained why he was doing that.  
>In all honesty, he didn't know why he did it.<p>

"A lover's quarrel, Ellen. Ain't you ever seen one?" He asked, his voice way too bitter for her liking. She wanted to go over there and hit him, but she knew that wouldn't solve a thing, and she knew that Jo would hate her forever if she layed a hand on him. She didn't know why she'd be so angry about teaching him a lesson that he truly deserved.

"Yeah. Me and my husband had our fair share. Nothin' like that though. Jo was terrified. She honestly thought that you were gonna hurt her- and not just verbally." She told him, wondering what reaction that would get out of him. Hearing it made Dean's heart lurch uncomfortably. He wouldn't ever do such a thing to her- she was so sweet and innocent; he could never possibly lay a hand on her. He loved her too much to do such a thing. He wasn't that type of man, and god help him if he ever turned into such a monster.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. The stress of the military made me lose it. I want to give her the best; really, I do. I want to give her a good wedding too, but right now, money is tight. And I want to be able to pay for it, so that we can say that the wedding was our first step in to the real world and that we are more than capable of paying for things instead of people donating the money that they can't afford to be coughing up, to us. We don't wanna do that- I don't wanna do that." He explained, hoping that Ellen understood. He didn't want to get on her bad side. Right now though, it seemed that he already was. He'd have to find a way to fix that.  
>"I'll never do it again. You have my word." He told her in the most sincere voice he could possibly manage.<br>She dismissed him and he walked away like a scolded child and made it upstairs to Jo's room where she slept peacefully. He looked at her and smiled softly. He could see that she had been crying and he felt so horrific for doing so. He brushed the golden locks from her face, and kissed her rounded cheek gently before getting into the bed and laying beside her, arms wrapping around her waist. He knew that she noticed there was a change, as she turned around and curled into his frame.  
>"Knew you'd come back..." She muttered in her sleep. He laughed quietly.<br>"I'll always come back to my best girl." He told her, watching how her lips turned into a dozy smile. She didn't reply, and just fell back into a peaceful sleep, reassured that everything was okay again.

He lay awake though. He was thinking about everything in his head, their argument swirling around in his mind. The words just repeating over and over.

"_If you were so happy, why did you try to kill yourself?"_

Why did she? Every time he saw her, she was always so bright and bubbly. He found it so hard to believe that she had the ability to be so upset, so broken. It was hard to believe, but he knew that it was true, and that it was almost like she stopped working as soon as he wasn't around any more. When he was there, everything was okay again, and she worked like clockwork. It was odd, and he wished there was some way to get into her mind and figure it all out...

"_Get out. Get the fuck out!"_

That was the first time he had ever seen her angry. It was a side of her that actually scared him. It was something he wished he hadn't seen, and that he shouldn't have provoked her so much to get such a reaction. He was really treading on thin ice now. Despite that, as soon as he came back, it was if she just forgot all about what had happened and that he was a Saint once again.  
>It confused the hell out of him, and that night he realised that his fiancee was the most complex person he'd ever met.<p> 


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8; Apologies

"Are you guys ready yet?" Dean asked, knocking on Jo's door gently. He was doing his best to try and heal the broken relationships between the three of them. They were all pretty tense around each other and he didn't want to break the ice even more than it already was. He was skating on incredibly thin ice. One wrong word and he was gone.

And if that happened... Who knew what would happen to Jo.

"Five more minutes!" Jo called out, giggling and hushing quietly. Dean had promised that he would take Jo and Ellen to dinner. They deserved it- and what better way to spend his money than to spend it on his new family?  
>"You said that about ten minutes ago! Hurry up!" He shouted through the door, rolling his eyes. He never understood why it took girls so long to get ready. Shove on some clothes, fix your hair. How hard was it to do that? Then again, he couldn't really say anything- he was known for taking quite a long time too. Maybe that's why he got ready before them. After what felt like a century, the door finally opened.<br>Jo stepped out in a sophisticated black dress, looking gorgeous as ever. Her hair was curled delicately and pinned back into a tight pony tail, two loose curls left hanging free from the tied up hair.  
>Ellen stepped out and she looked just as wonderful. It was strange seeing Ellen dressed up in a red dress. He had never really expected seeing Ellen in something so extravagant. Especially because she spent most of her time in jeans and a t-shirt with biker boots.<p>

He was lost for words, in all honesty. They were both beautiful, and he felt so incredibly lucky to be joining this family.

"You both look absolutely stunning." He finally blurted, a small blush on his cheeks. Jo smiled at him and kissed his cheek. "Can I take a picture? I think it'd look great in a photo album." He asked gently, already pulling out his phone before they could even answer. They looked at one another and they shrugged and stood against a wall, arm around one another as they smiled. He took the picture and looked at it and smiled. He'd have to get it framed at one point. It was something that he would really want to take back to the army with him so that it could be something he would know that he could go home to. He didn't like to admit it, but he did get quite homesick when he was out there. Not knowing that he could see his family and the home where he belonged was difficult. However, knowing that he was supposed to be there actually made him work harder out there, and filled him with determination and willpower to get himself home. As much as he wished that the determination would get him home earlier, it never did. That didn't stop him trying though. He just hoped for Jo's sake, that she would be able to cope when he left once again.

He pushed his thoughts to the back of his mind, and gestured for them to walk down the stairs first, before they made it out to his Impala. He was using his gentlemanly ways and opened the car doors for them. He drove with one hand on the wheel, his free hand holding Jo's as he drove. He felt reassured then; reassured that it was all going to return to some form of normality eventually. Hopefully some time soon. He didn't know how much longer he could handle the tension that was able to be cut through with a knife. Sitting in that car though, he felt some form of normality, and it actually felt like every one who was in the car was actually calm and composed for once. It was a nice change and he was relieved that he was able to change it. He was getting sick of the tension and angst between the three.

Glancing up at the mirror, he saw Ellen gazing upon the couple and smiling. He knew that she was relieved that everything was fixed. Honestly, he was too. He knew that they had the capability to fix everything, he just didn't think that the wounds would be healed that quickly.

After an eternity of silence, they had finally arrived at the restaurant. He opened the door and let them out of the car, Jo on his arm, and Ellen beside her. He didn't want to give off a bad impression, and look like some form of a Pimp. He was just trying to do the right thing and earn Ellen's trust and respect once again, the same way he was trying to earn Jo's. And what better way than to spoil the two main ladies in his life with dinner and no doubt some form of expensive gifts along the line? They deserved it. They didn't have much- having been struck by poverty themselves, and unfortunate events made it more difficult. He understood completely, and that's why he wanted to be able to provide for them. Not just for Jo, but for the family they were going to have one day and he also wanted to be able to look after Ellen in her growing age and when she began to get weak and frail. He just wanted to be able to look after them, provide for them, and give them all the best chance at life that they could possibly get. Maybe then go chasing their dreams.

He ticked off their reservation and they had a small little table all to themselves, with a tea light candle in a jam jar in the middle of the table. He would definitely take Jo back there again for a date of sorts. This was a good place for romantic gestures. He hoped that Jo saw it as one, despite Ellen being there.

"Order whatever you want. Go wild. Maybe not too wild," He teased. "You can eat whatever, I'm payin'. None of you are allowed input on paying." He told them, with the widest grin, proud of the fact he was paying for dinner and that he was finally having some form of independence and starting to spoil Jo before he went back to the Military. He was dreading going back, especially because he wasn't going to be able to have this opportunity to do that again for quite a while. When he went back, he was going to be serving the full sentence out there. No matter what happened, he needed to do this. He was already losing money due the fact he had to take sudden time off and he hadn't given much warning. Or not enough. Dean wasn't prepared to just come back with no money and not be able to even pay the rent for living there. He didn't want to be forced into poverty, or come back to no home. That was what was terrifying about going away for so long. They could easily decide to just move away, or just abandon him there.

He shook his head and was brought back to reality when he noticed that the waitress was there. He was questioning himself a lot, and why he was even asking himself these questions and why he was thinking about such dark topics at a dinner date when he should be happier and relieved about how blessed he was for being forgiven so easily by his fiancée and her mother.

He allowed the two women to order their food first before he got told the waitress his. He had previously ordered champagne so that he could have something for them before they had their food. That way they could start off the dinner with a good start. Another person came by and placed the expensive twisted, intricate champagne bottle on the table, setting out three glasses that had an intricate gold pattern around the rim of the glass. Jo seemed the most surprised by the fact that he had gone through such an expensive effort for this. After the champagne was poured, Ellen stood up, glass in hand.

"I'd like to make a toast- even if there is only three of us," She grinned, holding up her glass to the two.  
>"I can easily say that I've never been so proud of someone like this in my life. Dean, you're wonderful man, and I'm so proud of how well you did in the military. You have made me open my eyes and realise how right you are for Jo, and how much you care for her and want to give her the best in life. And I thank you so much for that. Especially because she never really had a male figure in her life... Thank you. To you and Jo!" She cheered, smiling brightly before sitting back down. She laughed and they all clinked their glasses, sat with a smile on their face.<p>

Dean realised that life was going to be okay and in all honesty, they had it good. They had a good life, and he was going to be able to fix everything back together eventually.


End file.
